Let the firing of mind bullets begin....NOW!

Ok, I just felt the need to voice my opinions (outsisde of work) on the whole "Haiti" situation.


No, I'm not sending them money. Personally, I think that Haiti was a...for lack of a better word...a dump before hand, and it's not our responsibility to rebuild it. I am fine with people sending money for aid and such...we would probably need the same if the same happened to us. But to rebuild....rebuild what exactly?! I'm not saying that Haiti deserved what they got...far from it. It was a natural disaster..it happens..we all must deal with it. I just can't justify sending any of my money to rebuild a nation that was dirt poor to begin with. I'm not sending money to make Haiti better than it was before. There are entirely too many children starving in this country for me to be able to make that an option.


Yes, this is the "evil republican" in me writing this blog.

The more you know...

So..in my endeavor to fall asleep tonight. I have learned something very important.


I believe pillows are better cuddle buddies than boys.


1) You can bend them, and shape them to your liking without having to worry about waking them up, or breaking any bones.


And...


2)They don't get mad when you throw them across the room at 2am because they're too hot.


The only drawback to a pillow cuddle buddy?
When you kiss them, they tend to get lint in your mouth.

Daydreams...IN HD!!

Most women daydream while they drive. It's why were such bad drivers.


Most women daydream about Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt squiring them away to some castle, or remote tropical beach, and feeding them peeled grapes, all while having the most intimate, soul searching conversation they've ever had.


Maybe a kiss or 2....might even go as far as some "love making" that lasts for hours and hours....


I, like most women daydream. Hell, I even do it while I'm driving. It even involves a guy I find incredibly hot.


However, my daydream involves Jack Black sitting in the car next to me in traffic, and me (unknowing that he is there) blasting Tenacious D. He rolls down his window and yells something to the fact of "Hey! That's me!!" I then roll down my window and yell back at him "DUDE! We should bone!" One thing leads to another, we go back to his place...bone..then smoke a bunch of pot and walk around Venice causing trouble.


Yea....I'm thinking about getting my testosterone levels tested after I get my insurance in Feb.


Cuz either I'm a dude...or just the most Awpic chick on the planet.

With enough courage, one can do without a reputation...

As many of you know, or should know anyways lol, Gone With the Wind is my favorite movie of all time. Hands down, no questions asked, it's not even really on the list of favorite movies...there is GWTW...and then the list of favorites. When I was younger (saw this movie for the first time Christmas eve of 7th grade) I would always hope that when I grew up, I'd be just like Scarlett O'Hara. A fiesty, confident, society rebel who did everything with the most beautiful smile that would knock men on their feet, and leave them dying for more. I was none of these things in 7th grade. I wasn't shy per se, and I had the beginnings of confidence...but everything that I had was struck down by the fact that I was unattractive and had one of the worst mothers known to ever inhibit this planet. Then, when I was 18 and got married...I started to come out of my shell a little bit, but then I was knocked down and deserted by my now ex.


Since then however, I have grown into this glowing,beautiful, ball of confidence you see (well can envision anyways) standing before you. The other day..a line from GWTW popped into my head. Some of Scarlett's..."to your face friends" (cuz she always flirted with their men) we're walking and one girl,Melanie, who actually likes Scarlett says "Scarlett is just vivacious and high spirited", then the next girl says "Well, men may flirt with girls like that, but they don't marry them."


That made me stop and think.


At first, I was almost upset at the possibility, that while I am all of the things Scarlett was...I don't want to be that girl that men flirt with, but don't marry. And to be honest, I always say that men go through this "infatuation" period with me. For the first 2 weeks they are just dumbfounded that there is a chick as awesome and as beautiful as I am, and that I'm interested in them! My spontaneous, fun, quirky attitude draws them in and they can't stand up straight! But then the novelty wears off. They realize that my fun, quirky, attitude...is actually..just really damned annoying. Now, relationships have lasted past that coveted "2 week" period, but it always seems like whoever I'm dating is really just trying to get that "rush" back. Well...once you find me annoying, lol it doesn't ever really come back.


But then I realized that while I am most of the things Scarlett is, I'm also kind and caring, and know a good thing when I see it. I don't drive others away unless they shouldn't be in my life anyways. The people who are close to me, I love them with all that I have. There is no, halfway with me. Either I would die for you, or you're just not in my life.


That gave me hope. Because the one thing that Scarlett did that I can never forgive her for, was let her Rhett get away. I need a guy like Rhett. One that will let me be me, enjoy my quirks, and love me because I am complete without him, but want him in my life. Someone that I can share the "spotlight" with and lean on when I need help, but is also perfectly content to let me just be me. I like to think that the part that saves me from being Scarlett completely, is also the part that will bring me my Rhett.


Someday :)


Oh, and yes...I am fully aware that this blog is totally, and completely GAY! In a bad way. Deal.

There has to be something...

The reason why I'm so awesome comes from the fact that I have self confidence...alot of it. My self confidence comes from knowing myself. And my knowledge of self comes from learning from mistakes, trials, and tribulations. I always walk away from something (especially relationships) having learned something to make the next one (and/or myself) better. And thats where the last one comes in.


I can't think of a damn thing that I learned from mine and Alfred's relationship. Is that a bad thing? Grant it, what I learned from my relationship with Kevin, took me about a month to figure out. However, that relationship was much longer, and much further along (read: engaged) My lesson there was to stop going after people that I need to nurture and wont nurture back. What did I learn from Will? Don't date someone that's still wrapped up in a past relationship. My ex husband taught me that boys don't change. There were a few other relationships sprinkled in there, but those were the major ones.


I guess the problem is that until that "weird" couple of days...(I thought) everything was AWESOME! Well...maybe not with the caps..but I was a very happy girl. I, along with everyone else, was just shocked. "He did what?!" <--- I got that more than a few times so far. I trusted my gut...he wasn't a "bad" guy (I still believe that), he treated me well, my only complaint was that he didn't call me enough. I always felt like I had to set up the dates or we'd only have one a week lol...but I attribute alot of that to my need to be in control.


Maybe that's it? Small (read:short) relationship, small lesson?  Next time...make sure I'm with a guy who calls?


Ok, one who makes me feel needed in his life. Yea, maybe thats it.


Damn...I really feel like I'm reaching here.


I guess

A special level of retarded, when retarded = Epic

Jesus, lol yep...Lee and I got back a couple hours ago from what I THOUGHT we just did.

To begin, after Friday night, I got home and went to bed happy with the fact that Lee and I had seen Flogging Molly 2 nights in a row. Pretty damn awesome if you ask me.

Thats how I fell asleep.

I woke up, wondering if we were REALLY gonna let a 4hr drive stop us from seeing the entire 3 night FM tour. It ate away at my soul...what kind of pansy asses would we be if we didn't go? So, I called Lee. He was thinking the same thing. 30mins later, he picked me up, and we were on the road to Vegas.

We used Kim's connections to get tickets, but sadly, all that we could get were balcony seats. Balcony seats are just simply unacceptable at a FM concert. When we finally got to the show, I sweet talked the bouncer, Lee paid him $20 and we got on the floor!

Now to be honest, yes, FM was the reason the shows had all been epic! But, one of their opening groups was a Johnny Cash tribute band called With A Bible And A Gun and they are AMAZING! Their presence made the show go from "epic" to "f'ing epic!" Sadly though, soon after we arrived, we found out that they had gone on earlier than usual, and we missed them!! I wanted to cry, but kept it together, and got through The Aggrolites (their music is pretty cool, but I felt like they brought down the energy a bit and I just wanted more Johnny Cash). Then waited for FM to start.

They finally came out, and although it was my third time seeing them in as many days...it was still as exciting as when they walked out on NYE. I got into the pit early, this time I remembered my tennis shoes, and laced them TIGHT! No more lost shoes for me lol. The pit has some amazing energy at a FM concert, I LOVE it. Later on in the show, I got knocked in the jaw and it popped out of alignment a bit. I got out of the pit for a few mins, and then got back in, and it got knocked BACK into place. Moshing as a health plan, yea, it works lol.

By the time the show was over, I was exhausted, covered in about 150 different peoples sweat, and covered in bruises. But I couldn't have been happier :) Oh, and I got a guitar pick from the bassist!! Who (honestly) remembered me when I told him we had been there for all the shows! YAY!

As we're making our way out of the House of Blues, Lee points out that the guitarist from With A Bible And A Gun is walking through the crowd. I RUN over and just gush all over him, lol, and he was so sweet, and seemed genuinely surprised that anyone even knew who he was! I really hope we get to see them again soon. Ok, so California MIGHT be good for unknown acts :)

Then we drove out to the condo, showered, and drove back into town to hang out with Jim and John. We had a good time walking around the casino, and then Jim suggested we REALLY go drink. So we all drive there, and Jim and John ditch us after 5mins lol. Brats :)

We went back to the condo, I took the bed (cuz I'm pretty) and Lee took the couch (cuz he's fat and ugly) and fell asleep. Oh yea, this was at 4am! I was kept awake by Lee's f'ing snoring, and almost killed him, but ended up getting just enough sleep.

All in all, EPIC FUCKING WEEKEND!!!

I do need to remind myself to not let breakups be the only catalyst for epicness of the above level.

"Lee...how do bro's deal with breakups?"

Ok..ok. So contrary to my previous post, your boyfriend MIGHT actually be cooler than mine. Why you ask? Well, probably because I don't actually have one anymore. Yea...I got dumped today. It sucked.

Instead of just coming out and saying "hey..we have this problem" I was subjected to 2 full days of being ignored. Now I don't mean to say that he didn't call me. No, this all happened while we were together for the past 2 days. He didn't wanna touch me, he was distant. It was odd. Honestly, I spent the night at his place on Wed. and if I had driven myself, I would have just left. It was just...weird. So after going through all that, today after we go out for breakfast, we pull back into my drive way and I ask him whats up. And...yea..so now that he knows he can get girls and he has his confidence...he wants to see what else is out there. Grrr...I guess... Oh, and kissing me was apparently just like kissing a friend. Now, I can understand that, I honestly have friends I can spend all night making out with, and in the morning feel absolutely nothing intimate about. But...I dunno. I really don't see where he got that. There was a connection there..lol one that I am damn sure he felt too at some point. But anyways...that was that. He had mentioned us being friends cuz he thinks I'm a cool chick, I just don't see that happening. I would love if it could, hangin out with Alfie was always super fun. But, I liked him. I mean...really, really liked him. Still do (shhh don't tell) so I know that if I'm around him, I'll just wanna kiss him, I wont be happy when he starts dating again, and that does not a good friendship make.

After all that, he left. I went in my room, got in bed and cried. For a total of 3mins. I'm not that girl who lays in bed all day, crying over a boy. Ok, maybe I am lol, but I just didn't want to cry. To myself, crying is a form of weakness. After everything that Kevin put me through...yea..I had my fair share of crying. And even though my heart needed some mending, I didn't want to just spend all day being upset. So I called Lee. He didn't answer, but when he finally called me back, we put some plans into motion. At first it was just Cafe 50's (lol..which Alfred and I had JUST left...but I wanted a sundae) Boondock Saints, and then drinking. However, over our food...we decided that since Flogging Molly was playing at the Anaheim House of Blues...and EVERYTHING can be cured by a FM concert...we decided to skip the movie, and go see the show.

First, we stopped by The Greatest...which is OUR bar! We love this place, they know how to pour a drink! And it's uber relaxing, nothing stuck up or fancy :)

Then we headed ALL THE WAY to f'ing Anaheim, and bought tickets from a scalper lol (my boobs totally helped!) And then, we headed in for the show. It was FANTASTIC! The energy, the love, the flow, it's addicting! I actually did a bit of "harder" core moshing than I had the night before and ended up losing my shoe during the first song! So out of the mosh pit for me, but we still partied pretty hard :) I'm so glad we went, FM is amazing! I got to uber flirt with the bartender, and jump up and down till I thought I was gonna puke!

Basically, while the breakup sucked ass, Lee and I apparently know how to do breakups RIGHT!!

It will take some time, and then I will be all over it, I'm looking forward to that.