As many of you know, or should know anyways lol, Gone With the Wind is my favorite movie of all time. Hands down, no questions asked, it's not even really on the list of favorite movies...there is GWTW...and then the list of favorites. When I was younger (saw this movie for the first time Christmas eve of 7th grade) I would always hope that when I grew up, I'd be just like Scarlett O'Hara. A fiesty, confident, society rebel who did everything with the most beautiful smile that would knock men on their feet, and leave them dying for more. I was none of these things in 7th grade. I wasn't shy per se, and I had the beginnings of confidence...but everything that I had was struck down by the fact that I was unattractive and had one of the worst mothers known to ever inhibit this planet. Then, when I was 18 and got married...I started to come out of my shell a little bit, but then I was knocked down and deserted by my now ex.
Since then however, I have grown into this glowing,beautiful, ball of confidence you see (well can envision anyways) standing before you. The other day..a line from GWTW popped into my head. Some of Scarlett's..."to your face friends" (cuz she always flirted with their men) we're walking and one girl,Melanie, who actually likes Scarlett says "Scarlett is just vivacious and high spirited", then the next girl says "Well, men may flirt with girls like that, but they don't marry them."
That made me stop and think.
At first, I was almost upset at the possibility, that while I am all of the things Scarlett was...I don't want to be that girl that men flirt with, but don't marry. And to be honest, I always say that men go through this "infatuation" period with me. For the first 2 weeks they are just dumbfounded that there is a chick as awesome and as beautiful as I am, and that I'm interested in them! My spontaneous, fun, quirky attitude draws them in and they can't stand up straight! But then the novelty wears off. They realize that my fun, quirky, attitude...is actually..just really damned annoying. Now, relationships have lasted past that coveted "2 week" period, but it always seems like whoever I'm dating is really just trying to get that "rush" back. Well...once you find me annoying, lol it doesn't ever really come back.
But then I realized that while I am most of the things Scarlett is, I'm also kind and caring, and know a good thing when I see it. I don't drive others away unless they shouldn't be in my life anyways. The people who are close to me, I love them with all that I have. There is no, halfway with me. Either I would die for you, or you're just not in my life.
That gave me hope. Because the one thing that Scarlett did that I can never forgive her for, was let her Rhett get away. I need a guy like Rhett. One that will let me be me, enjoy my quirks, and love me because I am complete without him, but want him in my life. Someone that I can share the "spotlight" with and lean on when I need help, but is also perfectly content to let me just be me. I like to think that the part that saves me from being Scarlett completely, is also the part that will bring me my Rhett.
Someday :)
Oh, and yes...I am fully aware that this blog is totally, and completely GAY! In a bad way. Deal.
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