Like the lines drawn in the sands of Tatooine...so are the lines of our lives...

Ok, so I really don't think there were any lines drawn in the sands of Tatooine. Grant it, I've only made it through 3 1/2 of the 6 Star Wars movies...so at some point there may be some important lines drawn in the sand. But for now..it just sounded like an awesome title. You know me...anything for a good title!


Anyways, on to the topic of discussion. Yes, "discussion" meaning I want you all to talk about this..preferably in "comments"...lots of comments makes me feel special lol. So yes, ok, in a relationship...where do you draw the line between "learning from prior experiences" and the almighty "baggage"? This one is always tough for me, because there is no clear answer...the problem is we're dealing with human beings...and emotions...and feelings. There are no rational or concrete answers for any of those!


Take tonight for example. 
1. I see something on boys computer
2. In true Lyndsay fashion...I just kinda shut the hell up
3. I end up leaving early
4. I call boy. He says there is nothing to worry about..confirms my suspicions of me "freaking out a bit"
5. Well I just feel retarded.


And that has happened a few times before (not with above mentioned boy), and I'm always at a loss as to how to feel. I do much better with things that have concrete answers. Everything about myself is concrete...even my spontaneity...after a while, the things I do shouldn't surprise you in the "I never expected Lyndsay to do that" way..unless you're retarded. Just because you're shocked at the action, doesn't mean you have to be shocked at the motivation. So anyways, things have gone both ways for me in the above mentioned situation before. I've either been wrong..or I've been right. There is definitely a certain amount of trust involved...but even then, you're still trusting someone you don't know as well as yourself, because they obviously aren't you! Unless you're reading this and have multiple personality disorder...then the last sentence doesn't apply...sorry. Things obviously worked out...above mentioned boy (amb for short) is pretty understanding..for what reason I'll never know lol. But I just wish I could figure this out. It's bugging me..and I hate having to think. 


So dear readers, (which very well could be just me)...where do you draw that line? Or do you? Drawing it just seems to be an issue of location...not doing it at all seems retarded.....is there somewhere in between? Dashes perhaps?


 Well, are there?


Alright class...word of the day is "Retarded". I've used it 4x so far in this blog...and it's how I'm feeling :)

Why do I always forget?

Anxiety...stress...bad days..all fixed with a deep breath.


It's really that damned simple, yet I always let myself get mixed up into the depths of pseudo craziness before I remember.


So here is an online reminder to myself..and for the rest of the sometimes crazies in the world:

1. Breathe in.
2. Breathe out.
3. Stop being a fucking pansy.

sucktacular days

I suppose everyone has to have them. My life can be as epic as I want it to be, but not every day is going to rock my face off...I just wish bad/stressful days didn't come all together. Or, maybe thats better...get them all out of the way. I hope it works like that. 


On Monday, I got a pretty awesome call, Kim was in Vegas at the WVC (Veterinarian conference) and needed me to come out the next day and help. Yay! First business trip ever! I was super excited...couldn't wait! Then..after a hectic morning..I got to the airport 1minute to late to check in...after US Airways website wouldn't work. So they waited 15mins to let me through..and then when I finally did make it to the gate..they had JUST closed the doors. I was livid. I  called Kim...and she was mad. Now...people get upset all the time. It happens..but Kim is probably 2nd on the list of people I hate upsetting. I was in tears standing at the airport, and my day was just kinda down hill from there. Then come to find out..the original flight I was supposed to be on, was oversold anyways! I wouldn't have made it on to begin with!  I finally got on a standby flight a couple hours later, ran my ass off to the conference, and made it there about noon. Then had to work till 7..then dinner till 9! I was a  tired girl..and just went straight to bed. Then got up...did the conference again and came home. I don't think I would be so stressed if I hadn't made Kim  upset...it's just a sucky feeling cuz I do everything possible to keep her happy and stress free. I'm there to unstress her..not make it worse. I'm sure she's forgiven me..I mean it wasn't even my fault but meh...still sucky. 


And for me...stress = anxiety. Things that I haven't even been worried about...like at all, are just making my mind go crazy. A boy in particular..yea I know..it's always boys. I'm just in uncharted territory lol..which I've never liked. It's been odd...because I'm kinda just waiting for said boy to be "ready" and usually that would drive me nuts..but I even mentioned something to my grandma just last night that I don't mind waiting this time. Which..is odd for me. But today..it's all just hitting me..and my mind is going a mile a minute. I hope it gets back to normal soon...cuz I was liking that unrushed, calm thing. It's really nice.


Hopefully catching up on Lost and Big Love is the answer.


No, not the answer to life, the universe, and everything else.


That..is 42

Tell me 5yr old...whats your secret?

So, Alex has been sick for the past couple days...it's a not pretty chest congestion somethingorother, so she has been coming in to the office because she can't go to school. It's been fun, definitely had it's challenges...but for the most part she was content to just curl up in someones chair and watch SpongeBob reruns on nick.com. I absolutely loath people that use TV as a babysitter, but...we all had work to get done lol. So, yes...I broke my own rule..but just this once ;)


Anyways...today I was thinking about kindergarten and how much fun it was. Painting, building, mushing, learning, and recess! I know as adults, a lot of us look back and say.."If I only knew then what I knew now, I would have napped no questions every day!" But, we didn't. As kids we hated nap time! Alex is 4 and in preschool...and she hates it too!


That got me thinking. Was it just a mater of we didn't want to follow the rules, or was it something more? Why didn't we want to go to sleep? Even at night, I know most of us wanted to stay up longer than we were ever allowed to. What has changed? Yes, we all have our "workday" and other things in our life that cause stress. But if you think about it...we also had those things in Kindergarten. We had our full (or half for some) day of school that while fun, was still time we had to be in a certain place, for a certain amount of time, doing things we were told to do. And we had plenty of stress! Monsters under the bed, getting that new toy, who we were inviting over to play that afternoon...it was alot! And yet, we still never wanted to go to sleep. 


I like to think that it was a sense of wonderment about the world we lose as we get older. Things become mundane, and lacking...and so does our interest. We're no longer seeing things with fresh eyes...life becomes a series of repetitions, with a few bright spots sprinkled in. 


If it is the "wonderment" factor, how does one go about not losing it in the first place? Or as with most of us, get it back? I like to think that I'm maybe at a 10yr olds level..I love life, and everything that everyday has to offer..but I find myself really, really wanting a nap in the middle of the day, even if the day has been absolutely awesome


Well from now on  I say, fuck naps...finger paint!